It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it, but it’s here if you choose to come back to it.

Time is but a destination.

I can’t help it if you drive me crazy.”

Autobiographies ought to begin with Chapter Two.

People are just waiting around to get certified.

Does anyone actually think I'm going to call Tiger Woods and tell him what to do with his swing one day, and he's going to go out and do it, simple as that? It doesn't work like that.

Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable.

One of the best ways countries can combat poverty is to use development assistance to promote a growing private sector, in which the poor can fully participate.

I never could be good when I was not happy.

Life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nothing is ever good enough the way it is.