It was well after college that I learned about depression. I got my first job for Jack Paar. I realized I was sleeping 14 hours a day and just living for the Paar show.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Amazing what more we can see looking back. But God didn't give us eyes in the back of our heads. Our eyes, like our feet, face forward, toward the future.

Change of habit cannot alter Nature.

Anybody can get hit over the head.

Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely, all of my hopes fading away. I've longed for love, like everyone else does, I know I'll keep searching after today.

Did you ever think that if you told me where Bill's hiding his computer program, I would give you anything you asked for?" - Eric, club dead.

A sermon wept over is more acceptable with God than one gloried over.

War to me is the stupidest way of settling anything. The whole damn thing goes to pieces.

Nothing is so beautiful as spring- When weeds in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush.

My Yoga practice is number one, straight physical exercises are number two, and when I can do neither, I focus on the breath. Make sure I drink enough water and get enough sleep.

The consumer is getting fed up with shoddy material, poor quality, unsafe products, bad service, weak warranties, lack of adequate information -- the whole gamut of such problems.