It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Fairy tales are make believe and reality sucks, but I happen to live in both worlds.

No matter what business you're in, you can't run in place or someone will pass you by. It doesn't matter how many games you've won.

We are more and more into technology. Everything is texting, and everything is instant. Flowers are completely impractical as a method of communication when you could just send a text.

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."

I can neither teach nor live by the faith of others. I must live by my own faith as the Spirit of the Lord has taught me through His Word.

Learn taciturnity and let that be your motto!

It's always about a character that I become obsessed with and who refuses to leave me alone.

Don't wish. Don't Start. Wishing only wounds the heart.