It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

Enough talk, now read!

May the light of your love enlighten the whole world.

We must begin to inculcate our children against militarism by educating them in the spirit of pacifism. Our schoolbooks glorify war and conceal it's horror. I would teach peace rather than war.

The media does not love Hillary Clinton left, right or center.

I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny.

Life can be boring unless you put some effort into it.

I went from being married to living on my own in L.A., to having a new boyfriend and just being totally self-sufficient and super independent. It's awesome. I love it!

Yes, [I am accusing the CIA of] misleading the Congress of the United States, misleading the Congress of the United States. I am.

One of the odd things about middle age, he concluded, was the strange decisions a man discovers he's made by not really making them, like allowing friends to drift away through simple neglect.

Theatre sports is the best improv training period