It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

People are already disappointed by their acquaintances, they can not handle anymore hate from stranger, so show some instantaneous kindness and forgiveness to them.

Behind every successful man is a woman but few of us realize that behind most successful women is a man too

The Witch 2015, has shown how religion make us, and when does it put us. How just by one religion a lot of people live in the lie!

Love is when you give someone else the power to destroy you, and you trust them not to do it.

The best food I've ever eaten in my life has come from the poorest communities.

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it

It would be an endless task to trace the variety of meannesses, cares, and sorrows into which women are plunged by the prevailing opinion that they were created rather to feel than reason.

What are you talking about?" Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this." "Amazing at pure suck," Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.

When you spend your days doing what fulfills you, you are attractive.