Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

We give up too soon. The sure way to succeed is to endure to the very end.

If it comes easy, it will go fast.

Dare to begin! He who postpones living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.

notes fly so much farther than words. There is no other way to reach the infinite.

Peace is a rare gift. Peace of mind, peaceful sleeps, and peaceful spirits are all luxuries that few rebels can ever afford.

The best tranquilizer is a clear conscience.

I'm usually the guy who knocks everyone out in order to get the girl.

Never fly commercial. That's the moral of this story.

Scientific truth is beyond loyalty and disloyalty.

I need to run every day. If I don't I feel cheated.