J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

Stories do not change, only the lives they live in do.

It is better to be nonjudgmental. Pure love is always unconditional.

If you want to understand democracy spend less time in the library with Plato and more time in the buses with people.

Connecting expands possibilities - in work and in life - for ourselves as well as for others.

Allah executed and rendered justice for the sake of putting together and harmonization of the hearts.

Have confidence in America's food industry, it deserves it.

By the mere fact that we do not go forward, we go backward.

Our joy in Him may be a fluctuating thing: His joy in us knows no change.

The real is always way ahead of what we can imagine.

Let passion be your muse. Let her guide and teach you to trust your instincts.