Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

You must now go home, where everything -- you can be quite sure -- will be falser than here....You must go now. You'll leave by the right, through the alley....

We must understand that out of community and dialogue, the answers will arrive in their own time and way.

Under peaceful conditions, the warlike man attacks himself.

Little deeds of kindness little words of love Help to make earth happy like the heaven above.

If you don't have finances to jump on opportunites or at least room to support yourself while you're tryin to move into new situations then you can't even evolve.

Luck is a thing that comes in many forms and who can recognize her?

Oh, it's not really gambling when you never lose.

I think I prioritize other people's opinions of me very highly, which is not necessarily a good thing - it's a thing that causes a lot of anxiety.

The sight of you is good for sore eyes.

This is how you falsify reality, ... The problem in India is not the Islamic fundamentalists. It's the Hindu fundamentalists, who will destroy India in the end.