Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

It's the unknown that I fear, the bites of memories that still have no connections.

Saying 'I'm sorry' is saying 'I love you' with a wounded heart in one hand and your smothered pride in the other.

I love Ralph Lauren. As I travel so much, I prefer to shop online.

It's really rare that you come across a Southern character that's not stereotyped, vilified or aggrandized.

There is an inverse correlation between the cleanliness of a bathroom and my 3-year-old daughter's need to move her bowels.

I looked on Jesus and the dove of peace entered my heart. I looked at the dove of peace; and lo...off he went.

That wit is truly amiable, which gladdens and enlivens every thing, which shines with a lustre gentle, but not faint, and powerful, but not glaring.

You hear that liberalism lacks an idea of the common good, but I think that's a mistake.

"Books ... books, ..." he exclaims. It is those that teach us to refine on our pleasures when young, and which, having so taught us, enable us to recall them with satisfaction when old.

The waiting is the hardest part.