James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

Writing can be a long and winding road or a straightforward march to the finish.What matters is that you enjoy the journey.

A warrior fears the battle he missed. More than any fight he can make his own, he fears the fight that’s gone, that ended without him, that no feat of arms can change.

I've forgotten about these things all winter, but here they are again, and when I see them I remember them, I know them, I greet them as if they are home.

The longer I operated on Wall Street the more distrustful I became of tips and inside information of every kind. Given time, I believe that inside information can break the Bank of England

Look into the windows of my soul. The eyes never lie, they bloodshot red.

Nothing is so beneficial to a young author as the advice of a man whose judgment stands constitutionally at the freezing-point.

A world is in flames, and you are cracking silly jokes.

Heroic poetry has ever been esteemed the greatest work of human nature.

Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes.

Sadness is an opportunity; a good opportunity to learn the real life!