Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Whenever you see a new day and your simply doing right, you're saving it in the list of your best days indirectly.

Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several he will fail to achieve distinction in any.

All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.

Don't let anyone tell you no. Do it with conviction, do it with passion, and you'll find a way

So many girls and guys want to find a girlfriend and settle down. But it's fun to be single.

Religions sprang up among men to deal with the sometimes terrifying aspects of existence, to make sense out of the senseless, to explain things we find inexplicable.

For many people a job is more than an income - it's an important part of who we are. So a career transition of any sort is one of the most unsettling experiences you can face in your life.

If your faith is threatened by something that's true, then it wasn't much of a faith to begin with, was it?

The law of the innermost form of the essay is heresy

...choose to deal with inhumane situations in a humane way, we can turn the world around and create positive lessons for ourselves and for others.