Jay Leno is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.

When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.

Money doesn't buy happiness. It buys great hookers - but not happiness.

All you really have in the end are your stories.

The best way not to fail again is to be absolutely positive that when you do it this time, you're going to do it right.

If you hold on to things long enough, they get back into style. Like me.

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.

I can tell a young person where the mines are, but he's probably going to step on them anyway.

You're not a man until your father says you're a man.

If you hang onto something long enough, it will come back in style.. Like ME.

They're only memories, Sam. They might comfort us on days of self-loathing, but that's all. We have to consciously move forward.

I believe health care is a basic right. If education - you're entitled to an education, why wouldn't you be entitled to adequate health care? Period.

You've got to make sure that you don't overstep your boundaries with teachers, especially when it's report card day or when you're about to take a test.

Men stop trying after a while and get lazy.

We are all descendants of Adam, and we are all products of racial miscegenation.

Boycotts tend to make the shunned more popular.

If you own a car, you change that every few years and that's just what I'm doing with my appearance

Silence your critics. Ignore your haters. Delete your cynics.

I don't really think in terms of obstacles. My biggest obstacle is always myself.

If you have a surreal life like I do, you've got to have fun along the way.