Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.

It is impossible to be successful and prosperous if you cannot organize people to achieve maximum results.

I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn't mean beans

Steve Jobs was Apple; Sir Alex Ferguson is Manchester United.

I know how ingratitude burns, how falsehood tortures, for I have been deceived in friendship and in love; I have learned to lose and to resign myself.

I paint flowers so they will not die.

It will come sometime. Some beautiful morning she will just wake up and find it is Tomorrow. Not Today but Tomorrow. And then things will happen ... wonderful things.

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes.

We are afraid of failure, of ridicule, of being rejected. We are afraid we’re not good enough.

Take what people give you. Drink their milkshakes.

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.