Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Acting courageously is about knowing and making the right choices based on a deep conviction that dwarfs fear, doubt, and worry.

We are products of their understanding or lack of understanding.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.

A cross centered life is made up of cross centered days.

I have friends who are writers, but we don't tend to talk about literature very much. It's just not part of my process; I tend to be pretty secretive about what I'm working on.

My nervous energy is usually the easiest form of energy to tap into.

What's this business of being a writer. It's just putting one word after another.

I collect cigars. I love giving 'em away to people that really enjoy 'em, and I could think of no better place than West Point!

Wherever goodness lay, it did not lie in ritual, unthinking obeisance before a deity but rather, perhaps, in the slow clumsy, error-strewn working out of an individual or collective path.