Jealousy - the Auschwitz of emotions.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

I figured a woman can't be understood the way a man can. Women have purposes men can't even imagine.

Was life like that? You could look ahead to the future or back to the past, but the present moved too quickly to absorb.

In art, you CAN crash your plane and walk away from it

Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one.

Life isn't a race. It's a relay.

Art is skill, that is the first meaning of the word.

The Jewes spend at Easter, the Moors at marriages, the Christians in sutes.

Electricity, the peril the wind sings to in the wires on a gray day.

Let's stop fracking. Who knows about hydraulic fracking? I'm like, whodie, get that oil out the ocean!

Compelled to become instruments of war, to kill and be killed, child soldiers are forced to give violent expression to the hatreds of adults