Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Time is measured in meaning

Science is much better at finding things that exist than at ruling out things that don't.

Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.

Language the most forcible proceeds from the man who is most sincere. The way to speak with power, or to write words that pierce mankind to the quick, is to speak and write honestly.

I've lived most people's dream by playing football.

Some men would rather be photographed with their fish than with their wives.

A woman has no control over herself.

If you're not turned on by politics, politics will turn on you.

I'm the reason Hulk Hogan lost his hair.

In a false person, sacraments do not produce any effect.