Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Wine enters through the mouth, Love, the eyes.I raise the glass to my mouth, I look at you, I sigh.

You must take responsibility for removing I can't from your vocabulary.

Forgive and be compassionate with another in love, in peace and in faith.

Three million years! The infinitely crowded panorama of written history, with its empires and its kings, its triumphs and its tragedies, covered barely one thousandth of this appalling span of time.

Lust for possession and greed has ravaged the soul of humanity like a great cancer, metastasizing throughout society in the form of a nouveau post-human, consumer hedonism.

I've always felt really lucky to get to work with really great filmmakers. For me, the whole objective is just to hopefully be of service to what they want.

I actually didn't mind school, and I enjoyed university and college.

It's appositival, if it's there. And it doesn't have to be there. And it's really obvious that it's there when it's there.

I'm no different from anybody else with two arms, two legs, and forty-two hundred hits.

It may be that when we no longer know... which way to go we have begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.