John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.

The journal is written to everyone and thus to no one.

It comes down to having fun and doing what I love.

A visionary thrives under all conditions.

The people are that part of the state that does not know what it wants.

I had no expectation that the Prince would offer me the unprecedented and unfettered access to the original and entirely untapped sources on which this biography is based.

Hitting your head against a wall is not the fastest way to move it.

I don't pamper my voice. It's part of my body. If my body is rested and healthy, my voice is rested and healthy.

Sincerity in sadhna and eagerness to serve is the basis of one's relationship with the spiritual master.

A lot of artists need structure.