John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can get.

A fine poem combines the elements of meaning, music, and a form like a living frame that holds it together.

Science's job is to map our ignorance.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.

Finding is reserved for the searchers, we don't find what we need, we find what we search for

Intelligent coaching is sometimes no coaching.

If anyone travels on a road in search of knowledge, Allah will cause him to travel on one of the roads of Paradise.

I never thought when I was a kid that I would become an adult. I never thought of myself as having any sort of distant horizon. I have sort of leapt without a master plan.

But just the fact that he was sparkling leads me to doubt everything that happened.