[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Books, I found, had the power to make timestand still, retreat or fly into the future.

If you're going to play it out of tune, then play it out of tune properly.

The true problem of living is to keep our hearts sweet and gentle in the hardest conditions and experiences.

Caution is the instinct of the weaker animal.

In war, hunting, and love, men for one pleasure a thousand griefes prove.

... we are the products of our past. ... a web of complexities.

...in some ways I relied on that- someone to keep me thinking, keep me striving to do better, keep me from burying my head and praying it all worked out.

I hate, loathe, and despise Christmas. It's a time when single people have to take cover or get out of town.

Literary poetry in a painter is something special, and is neither illustration nor the translation of writing by form.

God will not punish the man Who makes return for an injury.