Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale.

When we pray "in the Name of Jesus" the answers are in accordance with His nature and if we think our prayers are unanswered it is because we are not interpreting the answer along this line.

We are in a crisis today because the practical consensus between the left and the right, linking economic efficiency with social protection, has broken down

Her purse was a weight, ballast; it tethered her to the earth as her mind floated away.

it [is] possible to suppose that, if Russia is allowed to have peace, an amazing industrial development may take place, making Russia a rival of the United States.

We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything.

Leben verstehen wir Deutschen vielleicht nicht, aber sterben, das können wir fabelhaft! (We, the germans, might not be able to live, but to die, that we marvellously)

If you wish to know how civilized a culture is, look at how they treat it's women.

The odds were against us, but we deserve to be where we are.

Faith always contains an element of risk, of venture; and we are impelled to make the venture by the affinity and attraction which we feel in ourselves.