Judge not, lest ye be judged judgmental.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

To find beauty, look above the boundaries of conformity.

If you are brave, you will open the book and read it.

The internet is like a gossipy girls' locker room after school, isn't it?

I'm not against the police; I'm just afraid of them.

I'm the last guy in the world to feel overlooked by the Academy.

A Perl program is correct if it gets the job done before your boss fires you.

Every social war is a battle between the very few on both sides who care and who fire their shots across a crowd of spectators.

We have lost contact with reality, the simplicity of life.

Without wanting to claim that I'm really like James Bond I would certainly prefer to be thought of as closer to James Bond than Mr. Bean most definitely.

I look back on my years as a Wall Street lawyer as time spent in a foreign country.