Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle.

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved.

A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.

This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet.

The definition of indecent – when it’s in long, and it’s in hard, and it’s in deep – it’s in decent.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

To me, beauty and makeup and color is like the finishing touch on everything.

Wherever you are - be all there.

I'm filthy rich! It's good to be Adam Sandler!

To the folks asking how they can become a comics writer if Marvel doesn't accept submissions... YOU WRITE COMICS!!

Melancholy redeems this universe, and yet it is melancholy that separates us from it.

I declare I know no state of soul more dangerous than to imagine we are born again and sanctified by the Holy Ghost, because we have picked up a few religious feelings.

No matter where I am on this planet, I am always safe.

I stayed in Hamburg a few more days, and during that time I received a visit from Rolf Aldag, the sporting director at T-Mobile. He advised me to tell the truth.

Home: The place to save society.

We were playing popular music, but we were doing our own arrangements because we were too lazy to sit down and figure out the originals