Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

I choose to believe God had a more direct involvement in the creation of my heart and consciousness than in the creation of any book, no matter how thick or old it may be.

Lights, " I said softly. This had become my favorite word over the past week. In my mind, it had become synonymous with freedom.

May God give comfort to the suffering souls.

Never go in a place that you wouldn't take your wife.

Trying to solve the mystery is what I enjoy most about writing.

Any tournament you go to, you want to win it.

As we judge others so are we judged by others. The suspicious will always be tormented by suspicion.

The rest of the crowd were friends of my fortune, not of me. [Lat., Caetera fortunae, non mea, turba fuit.]

When no discriminating thoughts arise, the old mind ceases to exist.

It's not the cheating. It's the hunger for an alternative. The refusal to accept unhappiness.