Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Smile generously at others and you may find that their smiles are returned right back to you.

Greater love hath no man than this that he lay down his friends for his political life.

You can't be crazy and wild when you're on work time. But, I like it, in that sense I think it makes you a better person for having matured at a younger age.

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.

I haven't stopped painting or drawing - I've just added another medium.

What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

Who doesn't feel studious when he doesn't have a girl with a Riviera suntan?

Played tennis for years. But you can't improve at tennis after you're 50. You get to be in your 40s, and suddenly you're a doubles player.

All advertising advertises advertising.

Ryan Reynolds and I can be doing a scene facing the camera and somehow our back and forth and our rhythm, we know when to stop and when to volley, when to make the sound. It's like music.