Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

Beauty was not simply something to behold

The path to misery is paved by the tears of those trying to make others happy.

We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.

Football shape is one thing, and then 'futbol' shape is a completely other thing. It's a whole other level of fitness that you have to work to maintain.

I don't perceive an anti-religious agenda, especially with regard to Christians and Christianity.

I have never yet known what it was to separate esteem from love

[To a group of women prisoners:] You're luckier than I am. You're wanted and I'm not.

If we all think only of our own interests, we are headed for collective disaster - just look at what we are doing to our planet's climate.

If I can steal away and read something other than what I have to for my work, it's restorative.