Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Human existence is as a result of the product of time

For it is often the hardest tasks that build the most character.

Telling people they don't have a sin nature doesn't promote sin anymore than telling a slave they are free promotes slavery.

You worry too much." "Because you worry not enough.

The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

Quality is everyone's responsibility.

It takes a tremen­dous act of courage to admit to your­self that you are not defec­tive in any way what­so­ever.

Alan Webb is the best thing to happen in this event, but professionals and collegiates don't want to lose to high school guys. I don't want to lose to no one.

My father was an extraordinary man.