Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

The clothes may vary, but the person is the same.

Something not from earth, ” Jean Luc said. The setup was too perfect. Misha looked at me, and I sighed, dreading what he would be unable to stop himself from saying next. “Live long and prosper.

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

Don't be discouraged. When one door closes, you can find alternative open door.

There is no limitations except those we create for ourselves

The man who has God for his treasure has all things in one.

... there is ... a big aspect of play in writing novels, and making the story more and more elaborate is just more and more fun.

Legalized gambling cost taxpayers $3 for every $1 in state revenue to government

I am insecure. If you ask me, everybody is.

For if one link in nature's chain might be lost, another might be lost, until the whole of things will vanish by piecemeal.