KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Philosophers wonder when they do not know, artists when they do.

Have you ever noticed that fear affects your physical mind and body?

My new story collection won’t please everyone, nor was it meant to. Then again, not everybody lives in my world. If they did, I’d have to move out and find another world to write about.

Everything in life tries to hit us hard. We feel like dying. But instead fight back hard to survive. After all surviving was the only aim of everything.

My mind is a warehouse of carefully organized human emotions.I lock away the things that do not serve me.

The successful man is he who when he sees that no further certainty is attainable promptly decides on the most probable side as if he were completely sure it was right.

When I have meetings scheduled so tight that I can't go to the loo, that's where I draw the line!

Souls do not wish to be bullied, but gently brought back; such is the nature of man.

Let tears flow of their own accord; their flowing is not inconsistent with inward peace and harmony.