Kangoroos can't hop backwards.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

The first effect of emancipation from the Church was not to make men think rationally, but to open their minds to every sort of antique nonsense

I don't know of a great artist who did not sacrifice and thereby have to wrestle with the depths of loneliness and sadness.

I know you left me once, but I came right back to find you. Even though I like being in your past, you got a bright future behind you.

People are really stuck on their ideas about themselves.

You should not believe a thing only because you like to believe it. We call that 'Diax's Rake.

Praying solves the problems of prayer.

Protecting life is a value that matters. Whether it is stopping partial birth abortion which I think is a barbarism. Or whether it is fairly enforcing the criminal laws against Planned Parenthood.

I want to kiss you again, Tess.” “Why?” He chuckled, low under his breath. “Why? Because you’re beautiful, and because I want you. And I think you want me too.

But it is not the job of truth to make us feel good. It is the job of truth to be true, and it is our job to deal with it.