Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

What the proponents of prostitution conveniently ignore is that lack of opportunity is lack of choice.

The real life essence is to do the things that makes you really happy.

When you think positive, good things happen.

Tradition is the albatross around the neck of progress.

At the age of twelve I was finding the world too small: it appeared to me like a dull, trim back garden, in which only trivial games could be played.

It's very strange that the people you love are often the people you're most cruel to.

You can tell a story clearly in the storyboards, but if you don't keep the correct focus in the animation, it can be ruined.

Thinking too well of people often allows them to be better than they otherwise would.

When you don't have much and you need to be at work, there's no such thing as being sick.

I didn't defraud the government by taking money that was not mine.