Keep your friends close and your enemies dead and buried in the basement.

If man could apply half the ingenuity he’s exhibited in the creation of weapons to more sensible ends, there’s no limit to what he might yet accomplish

What else are our lives but a story we tell ourselves to find some sense in the pain ofliving?

Hate wears you down and doesn’t hurt your enemy. It’s like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die.

Suffering must be the inevitable tariff exacted from spirit for residing in human form.

Crime has always been a regrettably consistent element of the human experience.

I take all the best parts of YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook, and combine them into a whole new service called … YouTwit-face.

Dear Internet: You are very good at spreading rumors. Truth is more valuable and much harder to come by.

We have two families in life. One were born with that shares our blood. Another we meet along the way that's willing to give it's life for us.

The first prerequisite of elaborate mental exercise was a full stomach.

Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me, ' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.

And of course, there is always the F for failure. F for failing falling festering failure. F for fault. F for forgotten.

Political correctness’ is a label the privileged often use to distract from their privilege and hate.

The justification for a university is that it preserves the connection between knowledge and the zest of life, by uniting the young and the old in the imaginative consideration of learning.

If an incompetent chieftain is removed, seldom do we appoint his highest-ranking subordinate to his place

I really focused on three things in high school - my company, basketball and my school work.

The graduations hang on the wall, but they never really helped us at all.

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

I've learned to be careful of becoming a critic. Criticism really sours your heart.

Good is a noun rather than an adjective.

It takes sixty-five thousand errors before you are qualified to make a rocket.