Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Leadership is about making the right decision and the best decision before, sometimes, it becomes entirely popular.

Don't do stuff that freaks him out, like what you're doing now. Do something that makes him happy.

When I say something, I mean it. The world needs to have a Palestinian state that is free and at peace.

The essence of the Way is detachment. And the goal of those who practice is freedom from appearances.

Will you stop drinking whiskey? Let me plead with you to do so. And if the sisters would not think it oppressive, I would ask them to not drink quite so much strong tea.

We get used to a certain kind of colour of form or format, and it's acceptable. And to puncture that is sticking your neck out a bit. And then pretty soon, that's very acceptable.

All them weird chords which don't mean a thing...you got no melody to remember, and no beat to dance to

The beautiful are never desolate; But some one alway loves them--God or man. If man abandons, God himself takes them.

Grace is God satisfying our souls with His Son so that we're ruined for anything else!