Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.

Unfounded gossip can turn into sanctioned history if falls into the hands of the right storyteller.

Britney: You in a fight? Odd: No, It's an employment-related fork wound.

I cannot look at myself in the mirror; everything I have believed in I have had to reject. This environment only makes sense through the prism of trends.

Asking me to describe my son is like asking me to hold the ocean in a paper cup

Except for the con men borrowing money they shouldn't get and the widows who have to visit with the handsome young men in the trust department, no sane person ever enjoyed visiting a bank.

I don't know what it's like to not work; my family embedded that in me.

I look for challenges to keep me going.

All that I've learned has faded away.