Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

If you want to be among the few who rule the world you therefore must learn to convert every time of your life, every second and minute that passes by.

Fear must be conquered with faith.

You can accomplish far greater things when you depend on a divine power.

Your present interests are not a solid basis of a career decisions. So, stop following your passion and Do What Is Valuable.!

Those left behind prayed constantly for peace but prayers came back with Return to Sender stamped all over them. Only the roll call of the dead grew.

Rivera rubbed his temples. "Satan told you to do it?" he said wearily."No.""Elvis?""I told you, it's supernatural.

Let children feed on the good, the excellent, the great! Don't get in their way with little lectures, facts, and guided tours!

I couldn't touch my toes with straight legs, but I could break 4 minutes for the mile.

Overfishing is an obvious threat to our capacity to feed ourselves.

This is hip-hop. If you've got something you want to rap about, just rap about it, man.