Kids today do nothing. They're so apathetic. We used to go out and protest. All they do is shop and complain.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

Anger is the only antidote strong enough to counter grief.

There is only one rule for being a good talker - learn to listen.

I deal with postpartum feelings by reaching out to mom friends. I became very close with some of the women in my prenatal yoga class.

The worst thing about me is that I'll buy albums and put them away on the shelf and forget that I've got them.

Most gladly would I give the blood-stained laurel for the first violet which March brings us, the fragrant pledge of the new-fledged year.

The rights of Englishmen are derived from God, not from king or Parliament, and would be secured by the study of history, law, and tradition.

Desert Storm II would be in a walk in the park... The case for 'regime change' boils down to the huge benefits and modest costs of liberating Iraq.

Never eat in a place called 'Mom's'.

Is the mean temperature of the ground in any way influenced by the presence of heat-absorbing gases in the atmosphere?

Say it with pride we are Hindus