Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Being a single mother should not stop you from helping your children to reach their full potential.

Once in the end of the world hath he [Jesus] appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.

Earthly goods deceive the human heart into believing that they give it security and freedom from worry. But in truth, they are what cause anxiety.

In human history, the desire for revenge and the desire for loot have often been closely associated.

The fault line in American history is now a dividing line in the election and it's changing the conversation.

Never build your content ship on rented land.

Men are joined by conviction, sundered by opinion.

When I say that I love you, I don't say it out of habit or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Being charismatic doesn't make you a leader. Being a leader makes you charismatic.

It is a big problem and so I don't know for sure if I say yes or no to Ferrari.