Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Mechanics is a means or discipline for the realization of life, but not life itself. It ought to carry us to life itself.

Your computer monitor is a kind a one-way mirror, reflecting your own interests while algorithmic observers watch what you click.

One, I push my deadlines closer than anybody else, or let's say it this way: I'm really late.

My philosophy is never start talking about 'if,' 'and,' 'but' or the past, because 90 percent of what follows will be negative.

At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.

'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.

Wallowing in this bloody sty, I cast for fish that pleased my eye

Language is, without a doubt, the most momentous and at the same time the most mysterious product of the human mind.

To love God, which was a thing far excelling all the cunning that is possible for us in this life to obtain.

I actually don't miss modeling and I think the reason why is because of America's Next Top Model.