Kings and queens might do wicked things, but they don't nag. One thing I like about Bloody Mary: she never said a word about lung cancer.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

A dialysis patient's life is hard. Laugh harder.

We should live every day like people who have just been rescued from the moon.

Writing is hard work and bad for the health.

We must now brace ourselves for disquisitions on peer pressure, adolescent anomie, and rage.

When love and spirit are brought together, their power can accomplish anything. Then love, power, and spirit are one.

When I had a boxing match, all I wanted to do was put the guy on his back. That's why I chose to chase after MMA.

I am not looking to be understood or liked. Like me or not, I don't care. I am an outsider, that is the way I was brought up.

How does God's love abide in anyone who has the world's goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.

These are very dainty and superrefined, but really vile.

Sometimes people think that if you're always helping people up and never hit someone with a hard foul, you're automatically a good sport. I don't believe that.