Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

How many cities have revealed themselves to me in the marches I undertook in the pursuit of books!

My hate is stronger than the dimensions, stronger than memory, stronger than time. My hate is now the truest part of who I am.

down. There just was no way someone that good looking was getting made fun of. Plus guys could sleep with a whole team and it would be okay. Talk about double standards.

If you train your mind to search for the positive things about other people, you will be surprised at how many good things you can observe in them and comment upon.

I have lost everything, Han thought. Then he corrected himself. Every time I think I’ve lost everything, I find there’s still something else to lose.

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.

Preach the gospel wherever you can; when all else fails use words.

Keep your mind open. You may very well learn something new about yourself and your pictures.

The picture which the philosopher draws of the world is surely not one in which every stroke is necessitated by pure logic.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him until my lips touched his.