Knocking on the door doesn't always get you what you want, but sometimes it gives you what you need." ~ Lorna Stremcha

I don't know about homeless, but I'm never going to let you be hopeless. Or loveless. To be heartless however, well, that is your choice to make.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

You know what they call the fellow who finishes last in his medical school graduating class? They call him 'Doctor.'

America's criminal justice system isn't known for rehabilitation. I'm not sure that, as a society, we are even interested in that concept anymore.

I believe that this was God's Will - to send a boy into the Reich, to let him become its Leader, in order to bring his home country into the Reich. Otherwise one must doubt Providence.

Order is heaven's first law. Order is earth's first law, too.

There's an entire flight simulator hidden in every copy of Microsoft Excel 97.

Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement.

Until my legs break off or I get paralyzed, I can play this way. It helps me be me.

Something stinks here, and this time, it's not just him.