Knowledge of means without knowledge of ends is animal training.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Let your story grow. Let it surprise you, and it will certainly surprise your readers.

Those things that challenge the worst in us tend to strengthen the best in us.

In statesmanship get formalities right never mind about the moralities.

The greatest triumph is victory over all trials.

Clothing totally changes my perception of how I feel about myself depending on what it is that I'm wearing.

When 9/11 happened, 12 of our neighborhood firemen were killed. I looked around at the country that had adopted me and I became an American.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

You can't make someone feel good about themselves until you feel good about yourself.

I've done about six comedies. Oddly enough, the script came to me from one of the guys in Platoon