L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Sweetest li'l feller everybody knows Dunno what to call him but he's mighty lak' a rose Lookin' at his mammy wid eyes so shiny blue Mek' you think that Heav'n is comin' clost ter you.

If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am. There's nothing behind it.

There is an untroubled harmony in everything, a full consonance in nature; only in our illusory freedom do we feel at variance with it.

If the Devil's in yer pants make cheese with him.

Innocence has nothing to dread.

Most customer service people are great. It's that one customer service person from hell that drives me crazy!

I'm saying, come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?

For a woman the objective is often a committed relationship also known as the destination. For a men the road trip on the way to the destination is often the most fun.

I think Hollywood sees so many parts of America through a very narrow prism. The South is no exception. And those stereotypes, while sometimes true, are exaggerated for me to the point of boredom.

Mercy, pity, and peace, Are the world's release.