LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I've never taken a photograph of someone and created a persona, I've just discovered what was already there.

Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.

Better alone than badly accompanied.

I don't think of the note in technical terms. I sing the emotion that I am feeling.

Nothing is more depressing and more illogical than aggressive Christianity.

The fact is I am growing old too fast, alas! I feel it, and yet work I will, and may God grant me life to see the last plate of my mammoth work finished.

If you don’t stay away from her I’ll rearrange that pretty face of yours. - Simon

If we want scientists and engineers in the future, we should be cultivating the girls as much as the boys.

Hopefully, young people will see that you can be young and make the sacrifices to follow your dreams.

The Internet has definitely opened doors and leveled the playing field for musicians.