LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

A criminal mind needs consideration rather than the criminal itself. In truth, there are more criminals than those who committed a crime.

Any man's life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day.

I became a fitness fiend when I was about 17 or 18.

Yesterday, the country of Kosovo unveiled an 11-foot tall statue of former President Clinton. Yeah. That's right. The Clinton statue is so life-like, it's already been slapped 12 times.

It was an epiphany when I realized you don't have to call yourself a linguist, a translator, a poet. You can call yourself an artist and you can do all these things.

The Infinite has to be a relative concept. Go any distance: an infinite space means that there is more to be explored.

Quality is such an attractive banner that sometimes we think we can get away with just waving it, without doing the hard work necessary to achieve it.

The life of a scholar seldom abounds with adventure.

Opposing the free flow of goods or people is a bad idea.