LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

Industry entirely left to itself, would soon fall to ruin, and a nation letting everything alone would commit suicide.

I can't express how much admiration I have for women in general, who walk around in high heels, but, drag queens, oh my god.

Worm theology is too high for me.

When God wants to judge a nation, He gives them wicked rulers.

From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a loner. I get claustrophobia if a lot of people are around.

I like the philosophy of the sandwich, as it were. It typifies my attitude to life, really. It's all there, it's fun, it looks good, and you don't have to wash up afterwards.

If you attack Trump, he's not gonna sit there and take it. He's an alpha male. He's gonna come right back at you and he's gonna keep coming back at you.

It's important to always say thank you to your BFF.

Healthy church membership means you find your joy in being last, instead of seeking your way and being first.