LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The worst enemy of life, freedom and the common decencies is total anarchy; their second worst enemy is total efficiency.

Painting something that defies the law of the land is good. Painting something that defies the law of the land and the law of gravity at the same time is ideal.

The marketing of players has created untold wealth for many sports stars. You can't blame them or the company that covets the relationship with them, but that doesn't mean the player is good.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

I am a producer who NEVER discusses her budgets, EVER, ever ever.

Women are scolded both for being mothers and for not being mothers, for wanting to eat their cake and have it too, and for not wanting to eat their cake and have it too.

I'm not God, don't intend to be and hope I never have that much power.

I never talk about anything to do with my sexuality.

The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out.

In my role of agent for Miss Hathaway, I would like to say that she does not answer questions relating to this subject.