Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Sleeping AtlantisSilent cool watersdancing upon her skin ~silent cool waterushering dreams within...

I’ve lived in several countries and been a disaster everywhere.

Beware of self-righteousness. The black devil of licentiousness destroys his hundreds, but the white devil of self-righteousness destroys his thousands.

I have a liberal definition of news because I think news can be what excites people. I'm not very sanctimonious about what news is and isn't.

You shouldn't run around killing people or eating meat. That's not what we mean by tantra. There's no need to break the rules.

What kind of Dv would it take to escape history, to escape an inertia that powerful, and carve a new course? The hardest part is leaving Earth behind.

I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry aloud on the house-tops.

I was the darkest skinned person in my family. I remember how I used to feel - like I wasn't pretty enough, or I wasn't good enough.

Nothing causes us to so nearly resemble God as the forgiveness of injuries.

If you were a woman, all I'd have to say is 'Colin Firth in a wet shirt' and you'd say 'Ah.