Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Every gift opens a heavenly door to the giver.

As the greatest of detectives makes the greatest of criminals, a specialist in investigation is also a specialist in murder.

There’s simply nothing in there that would justify second degree murder.

The Psalmists in telling everyone to praise God are doing what all men do when they speak of what they care about.

No disorders have employed so many quacks, as those that have no cure; and no sciences have exercised so many quills, as those that have no certainty.

As long as nuclear weapons exist, the chances of survival of the human species are quite slight.

I was a kid from Oklahoma who never wanted to be a singer, but was told I could sing. And things snowballed.

We pray that henceforth not only Japan but all mankind may know the blessings of harmony and progress.

I think in 1991, when Jimmy got to the semifinals, it was just incredible all of the people coming out.

It doesn't matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before; it's important to realize that whatever you're doing, it's your first attempt at it.