Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

Cleanliness is next to fordliness.

The quality of life is determined by its activities.

I went by myself to Hollywood, I spoke no English, every day I had to go to school.

Do you know how hard it is to say nothing? When every atom of you strains to do the opposite? I had practiced not saying anything the whole way from the airport, and it was still nearly killing me.

Christianity will doubtless still survive in the earth ten centuries hence- stuffed and in a museum.

I believe in and love the populist, nationalist, antiglobalist rebellion happening all over the West.

I don't like the human race in general. We are the only species who hunt for sport, who kill due to emotional need.

I collect postage stamps. That's the only thing I can afford to collect! I hope in five years' time to say, "Yes, I specialize in Gustav Dore first editions."

Pics or it didn't happen." "Dude, little busy for pics. You know, throwing flame.